I'm Not Okay
by Kat-D11
Summary: <html><head></head>A bad case leads Emily to self-destruct, can JJ get there in time?</html>
1. Chapter 1

A/N - Criminal Minds is sadly not mine! Please read and review...

Ok so I was planning to be evil and just leave it there but I might continue it if there is enough interest...?

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><p>You face death and destruction everyday. These images haunt your sleep. Images that are forever embedded into your brain. Images that sneak up on you in daylight. You hear a child in the park screaming in happiness and you are taken back to hearing that one victim screaming in pain, in torture, in fear. That one victim screaming for survival. You hear the cry of the people that are left behind to heal. Those that will never be the same. Those that would give their soul to be the ones that were taken. Those whose soul will never be the same again. Those who blame you for not being quick enough. After a while you join them. You blame yourself. There is a point in everyone's life where they snap. Now it's your turn. The pressure has built up. Burying all these emotions can only last so long. You snap. Just like Elle or Gideon. You don't care anymore. All you know is that you have to take away this pain, this hurt, these nightmares running through your brain. You snap.<p>

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><p>Emily Prentiss sat in silence on the flight home. The case had been hard and it had taken its toll on each one of the BAU team members. Penelope Garcia was crushed spending days watching horrifying videos frame by frame, searching for clues, anything that would help save an innocent life. For a split second Emily felt guilty. She felt guilty for being grateful towards Garcia's emotional state, but it was taking their focus away from her. She could feel her walls slowly failing. She needed to be alone. One caring word or heartfelt touch could break them completely. This case had been an earthquake, cracking foundations that she had taken years to perfect. All her emotions were rushing through her veins like a drug. The outside world was gone. She was being sucked into her own blackhole. Her friends, her surrogate family had become a distant humm in the background. She didn't dare blink. She didn't dare move. If breathing wasn't her survival she would stop that too. She was a shell about to break. She just had to survive the plane flight and she was free. She would be back at her apartment. She would be alone.<p>

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><p>After agreeing that Morgan would go straight to Garcia, JJ returned to her seat so the jet could land. She glanced towards Emily to give her a smile, but this smile faded as soon as she caught sight of the brunette. If JJ could not see that Emily's whole body was quaking, she would have thought she was dead. She was not moving, she was deathly pale, her eyes were wide and glaced over with a look of fear. Her breathing was barely noticeable. JJ felt a wave of nausea hit her stomach. She tried to call out Emily's name from her seat, but she got no reaction in return. She had never seen Emily look so haunted, so lost, so lifeless. She had to do something. How could she have not noticed? Why did she not check on Emily? She had been secretly in love with the woman for years. Her heart was always pulled towards her like a magnet. When Emily suffered, JJ felt it like a stab wound ripping through her. Emily was always the one that was ok, that could cope. It was obvious that this was not the case anymore. She had to do something. She was worried what would happen if she didn't do anything.<p>

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><p>The jet taxied into the airport and the doors opened. JJ watched as Emily had grabbed her bag and was running out of the jet within a flash. Determined to grab her she launched out of her own seat after the running profiler. However, Hotch had other plans.<p>

"JJ, I need to discuss the paper work for this case." Hotch unintentionally blocked JJ's path out of the jet, while the others filed out.

JJ voice came out as a desperate plea. "Please Hotch can we do this later, I need to..."

"This was an difficult case, JJ. If the paperwork is not filed correctly Strauss will be breathing down our backs." Hotch looked stressed. It was clear the case had distressed him just like the others.

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><p>Finally escaping Hotch JJ sprints out of the jet towards her car.<p>

"Hey Spence. Did Emily leave?"

Reid turned around. "Yes, she just rushed off."

"SHIT!"

"I think some of us are going for drinks if..."

JJ throws her bag onto the passenger seat. "No thanks Spence, I'm gonna head home." She starts the car and heads on to the city streets towards Emily's apartment. Holding the wheel in a death grip, she chants repeatly into the darkness "Please be ok. Please be ok. Please be ok..."

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><p>The elevator dings. As soon as JJ steps into the hallway she is met with the sound of rock music blasting through Emily's door. JJ runs up to the apartment door and bangs her fist against the wood. Nothing. She shouts Emily's name as loudly as possible while continuing to pound her fist against the door. Nothing. "FUCK!" She tries again. Nothing. Tears start to stream down her face, the image of Emily on the jet haunting her. She needs to get in there. "Please Emily, please open the door." She leans her forehead against the door. The bass of the music vibrating against her thoughts rushing through her head. "Please Emily."<p>

Suddenly a determination runs through JJ's body. She has seen Morgan do it enough times. She takes a step back and launches herself at the door. It crashes open. The volume of the music slaughtering her ears. The aches and bruises on her own body forgotten as she rushes through the broken door.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N – Thank you so much for your support with this second story. A shameless promotion: Make sure you check out my other story if you haven't. It is lighter but in time will have its own moments too! ;)

I plan to make this story darker in future chapters – surprisingly that is possible. I would love to know what you all think of that...it would mean I would have to up the rating for safety! Thoughts? Please read and comment!

I dedicate this chapter to my partner in crime, Smurf1001, who is the reason my own heart feels happy! :) Check out her work!

The flashback is from Season Two - Episode 21 - all credit for that goes to Criminal Minds! :)

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><p>"<em>You killed my daughter. You killed my baby girl. You're a murderer! MUDERER!...MUDERER!...MURDERER!<em>"

The words echo around and around in Emily's head as she drove through the deserted streets towards her apartment. Luckily she had driven the route from the landing strip to her home so many times that she was on autopilot. How she managed to stop correctly at each one of the stop lights is beyond her. Yet she was grateful she had without killing anyone else. Her first mission had been completed: let none of her team-mates notice she was cracking into a million tiny pieces. She was finally on her way home.

She was a zombie driving a car. No, this feeling was worse than a zombie. She wished she felt like a zombie. Maybe being dead would be the only way to end this. If she was dead, she wouldn't feel this pain in her heart. A pain impossible to describe. It wasn't a physical pain. She had experienced that hundreds of times on the job – a raid gone wrong, an interview turned into an unsuspected moment with an unsub. It wasn't the pain of a bang to the head or violent attack. It was beyond that, something that would be hard to heal. Something she doubted could ever be healed. Something bed rest or a hospital stay couldn't heal. It wasn't the pain of a heart-attack or heart-burn yet her heart ached. Her heart ached like an emotionally charged, gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing, soul-stabbing poison had been injected directly into it's muscle slowly crushing it with every beat. Every beat that echoed one word over and over again. Every beat that pumped that one word around her body through every blood vessel, down every capillary until it engulfed her entire body. _MURDERER!_

She had finally got that answer to that one question that always haunted her. That one question that no-one could answer.

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><p><em><span>Flashback<span>_

_Emily is sitting on the jet looking glum out of the window. Derek notices and comes over to check she is alright._

"_What's up?" Derek asks._

"_Bobbi Baird asked me a question that is sticking with me." The brunette replies. Derek waits for her to continue but she doesnt._

"_What was it?"_

"_She asked me how they could do it. How those men could hunt and kill people in the woods." Derek leans back and thinks for a moment._

"_What did you tell her?"_

"_That they don't think like we do...but the truth is that we do think like them." She looks down at her hand._

"_Yeah, we do because it's our job. We need to know how it feels." She isn't satisfied with his answer._

"_We hunt these people every day. The question is how different are we... us and them?" The question is left hanging as a silence takes over the jet._

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><p>The answer was they weren't different. Just like that mother had shouted at her. She was a murderer, just like all those she had spent her life trying to stop.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – You know the deal please read & review I wanna know what you all think and wanna happen! I know this is REALLY REALLY short!

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><p>JJ rushed forward into the lounge of Emily's apartment. She knew the place well having spent a lot of time hanging out with her best-friend during breaks, after cases and the much loved BAU girls' nights. Emily was an intensely private person and JJ was honoured to have even been allowed into her home. Among her BAU family only JJ and Garcia had been given that privilege. JJ wished more than anything that this privilege would extend to the brunette as well. She had laughed with her, gossiped with her, even comforted her but she had never been allowed behind the firm walls Emily had protecting her heart and emotions. It was a confusing concept to appreciate and love someone so much they are part of your family, but at the same time have no true idea of who they are. Emily was almost a magician, the team had known her for years yet when they thought back about their time with her what did they really know? When it came to Emily's life, it was as if you thought you were the one doing the listening but then you realise you had actually done all the talking. JJ's stomach filled with butterflies and her heart burst at the dream of being allowed to see the unguarded Emily. If she had secretly managed to fall so deeply in love with her guarded co-worker, she could only imagine how intense her love would be if she was allowed to see directly into her soul.<p>

JJ stumbled over her own feet towards the stereo while praying to all things that the screaming rock music did not damage her ears. Slamming her hand on the power button, the music stopped and the apartment became deathly silent. It was only then that she took in the scene around her.

"Oh Emily..." JJ whispered as silent tears rolled down her face.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N – I am so sorry for the delay with all my writing. I have just finished my finals and university forever and I have a job to do so my life is a little crazy at the moment. I got several messages asking for new chapters so I made the effort! **You know the drill, please R&R – I want to know what you are all thinking/want to happen**!

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><p>It was the sound of her own heartbeat and heavy breathing that brought JJ out from her momentary shock. Emily's usually OCD apartment was completely trashed. The furniture had been turned upside down and thrown around the room. The brunette's possessions had been swept off shelves and were piled on the floor broken, dented and spoiled. On one wall was an obvious splash mark. A light brown liquid dripped down the wall towards a smashed glass on the floor. Alcohol. How had she not noticed all this when she came in? Though she knew deep down her first task was to turn the music off. Suddenly her heart stopped. Emily. Oh god where was Emily.<p>

"Emily!" JJ started running around the apartment checking everything and anything for the profiler. The lounge...trashed. The kitchen...empty. The hall...Emily's go bag dumped. JJ knew she was here – it was trashed, her go bag was here. She must be her somewhere. Her pace slowed down and her stomach lurched as she reached Emily's bedroom door. She stopped. Her palms were sweating. Tears started to form in her eyes. She willed herself to open the door, but the nauseous feeling coursing through her body made her hesitate. The blonde started to dread what she would discover. Images flooded her head and she shut her eyes tight to try and halt them. She took a deep breath and reached out her hand to grasp the door handle. She could feel her whole arm shaking. Taking another deep shaky breath, she twists and slowly opens the door.

The room is pitch black. The liaison reaches out and feels the wall for the light switch. She flicks it on. The light assaults the room and JJ looks around quickly. The room is untouched. There should be a feeling of relief, but there was none. There was simply a continued feeling of sheer dread. She runs forward straight towards the bathroom...nothing. Running back out into the hallway to the guest room, she flings open the door and flicks on the light. Again...nothing.

"EMILY!" JJ holds her breath and listens. Again the silence is filled purely by her rapid heartbeat. Did she miss something? Did she run past something without noticing? She starts speed walking around the rooms again, this time more deliberately. Eyeing up each and every little detail with her FBI raid skills and profiler habits learnt over the years through her friends. While she wonders around quickly, she grabs her cell phone from her pocket and speed dials a much loved number.

"Please pick up...come on pick up the phone...please Emily..." The phone continues to ring and ring and ring.

"Answer the DAMN PHONE!" She shouts slamming her fist against the wall. A stabbing pain runs through her shoulder muscles from breaking down the door. Tears start to fall down her face from the pain but primarily that horrible feeling of fear. She tries calling the number again and again. Thoughts were flying through her head.

Where is she? She put on music, trashed her apartment and left? Left to go where? Should she wait for her to come back or go out looking for her? But where would she look? The front door is smashed. If she leaves someone could enter the apartment. Should she call the team? No, she can't. She should try and track her. Garcia. No, Garcia was a mess too. The tech was close to having her own nervous breakdown. In fact the whole team was. This needs to be handled carefully.

She presses a different speed dial number.

"Morgan" His voice sounded drained and exhausted. He clearly had not even bothered to check his caller ID.

"Morgan, it's JJ. Are you still with Garcia?" Her voice came out hoarse. She hoped he didn't notice or just assumed it was down to tiredness.

"Yes, she is right next to me. What's up?"

"I need her to track Emily's phone for me." There was a pause, followed by a slight scuffling at the end of the line.

"Why do you need to track our pumpkins phone Jayje?" Garcia voice rang out. JJ paused.

"I went to her apartment to check she was ok and she isn't answering the door. I'm worried." It wasn't a complete lie.

"Are you sure she is not just asleep? I would be myself if I could happily shut my eyes." Garcia sighed.

"I'm sorry Pen. Really I am...but she never sleeps this heavily. You know that. She is a scarily light sleeper. Please Pen, please, just look and tell me where she is. Please." She knew she was begging but she couldn't help it. There wasn't time for a breakdown of Emily's sleeping habits or behaviour. "If Emily tries to shoot you for looking, blame me...Please Garcia!"

"Ok, ok, but only because this case was a million times worse than my worst nightmare and we all need to be together after an experience like that. Give me a second." JJ waited while the nausea crept back.

"She is at a bar. Four blocks from her apartment. It's called Finn's."

"Thanks Pen, I owe you. Try and rest ok. Let Morgan spoil you."

Garcia chuckles just without her usual brightness. "Oh I am already sugar. Take care of my profiler princess ok?"

"I will...night" JJ hangs up the phone. She was going to say 'I will as always' but that was not true. If it had been as always she would not be in this situation right now. She would have realised that Emily was breaking. She would have noticed. She SHOULD have noticed.

JJ knew she shouldn't leave the apartment. The front door was hanging off the hinges. Emily was going to be SO mad, but she would just have to face the profiler's anger later. There was a doorman for the complex and it was a quiet place to live. She just could not sit and wait. Emily needed her, that she was positive of.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N – I am so sorry for the long waiting time for updates with this – this story is hard to write being so emotional and I have another one at the same time. **It is called 'Just Breathe', check it out!**

Thank you so much to Nikonic for helping me kick start my brain and for her writing talent!

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><p>JJ stepped into Finn's bar, her eyes slowly adjusting to the dim light around her. The bar was surprisingly quiet. She scanned the room quickly, taking note of everyone in there. It was her natural instinct to do a quick check. She was sure it was due to the years she had raided a location with the potential to come face to face with life threatening danger. Even though these people were all happily drinking, it was still instinct. Lastly her eyes fell on the brunette; her best-friend and the woman of her dreams, literally.<p>

Emily was sitting at the end of the bar slumped in her seat. She watched as the profiler poured another large glass of a spirit from the bottle in front of her, downed it in one and placed the glass back onto the bar. This one action restarted the feeling of fear that was being to engulf her again. In all her time she had seen Emily at a bar, she had only drank beer. There was the exception of Garcia's cocktail night, but that had been out of politeness and peer pressure rather than a want. But there she was willingly downing large helpings of liquor. Not forgetting the alcohol smashed on her apartment wall. This was not Emily.

If it was not Emily, how was she supposed to help? Nerves flooded her stomach for what felt like the hundredth time this evening. She cautiously walked over to the profiler and stood next to her.

"Look at you, all propped up on the bar like an old wino!" JJ laughed nervously. She knew now was not the time for cracking jokes, but she couldn't help it. It was a nervous reaction. Obviously Emily did not react. Truthfully she did not expect her to. Emily just sat there staring at the glass in front of her.

"Emily." She leaned forward trying to get eye contact with the brunette. Leaning in closer she realised that Emily was softly humming to herself. Not in a cute little girl way, in a horror film creepy kind of way. JJ swallowed hard. "Em?" She reached out a shaky hand to touch the profiler's arm. Even with the blonde holding her arm, the brunette did not react. Slowly she pushed Emily's arm, moving her around in the swivelling bar stool so she was facing her directly.

Emily did not move. Nor did she acknowledge that she had been moved or even that the liaison was in front of her. JJ breath hitched as soon she stopped Emily's stool in front of her. She studied her for the first time since the jet. She stared into her chocolate brown eyes. They were dead. They failed to give off that usual sense of warmth and sparkle; life. Her skin was deathly pale and she continued to hum to herself quietly. The blonde wanted desperately to go into her brain and find out what had her so broken and paralysed. But she was also terrified; she was starting to feel out of her depth.

JJ took her other hand and reached up to cup the brunette's right cheek. She gently stroked her face with her thumb trying to slowly wake her up from her comatose state. She couldn't stop herself from moving her hand slightly to gently stroke her thumb over the profiler's lips. She knew she should not take advantage of her current state but she could not help it. Her lips just looked so kissable and plump that it was taking all her self-control not to lean in and kiss her.

"Em, it's JJ. Honey, talk to me...please!" JJ pleaded. She reached up to hold the other cheek in her hands. She held Emily's head firmly in her hands. "I've got you."

Suddenly Emily blinked and jumped in shock stumbling off the stool. She backed out of JJ's hands. "Wwhat are you doing here?" She slurred, whispering so quietly JJ almost missed it. She turned her back to the liaison, needing time to put up some walls. The blonde could see the brunette's hand gripping the bar so hard her knuckles were white and she was clearly taking long, deep breaths. She turned back around. "WWould you llike a drink? You look llike you need one." She laughed, but it has dead and hollow. She lifted up the bottle, poured herself another shot and downed it in one. Going to pour herself another glass, JJ reached forward and grabbed the bottle from her hands.

"I think you have had enough, Em. Let me drive you home." The blonde stated in a forceful, motherly tone.

"I don't need yourrrr help JJ. I'm fine." Emily signalled the bartender for another drink. The liaison quickly turned around to address the young man, handing the bottle back in the process.

She looked him firmly in the eye and addressed him using her best SSA Jennifer Jareau voice. "Do not serve this woman."

"Don't llisten to herr Owen."

JJ reached into her pocket and pulled out her badge. She opened it and slapped in down hard on the bar in front of him. "No, Owen. I think you SHOULD listen to me." At that the bartender raised his arms and retreated.

Emily grabbed her bag and practically ran out of the bar. Deep down she knew JJ was right. She did not need anymore, but she did. She needed a release so badly. Nothing was working. She had tried drinking, smashing things, crying, shouting, screaming; nothing was working. She needed that release. She needed to make all the pain go away.

She was already out the bar and walking down the street quickly when she could hear feet running behind her. She knew it was JJ.

"Wait. Please." JJ shouted. The blonde reached out to grab the brunette's wrist. "My car is right here." She gestured to the car one along. Emily tried to fight her grip, pulling JJ along as she continued down the street. "PLEASE, please let me take you home. Please Em."

Turning around abruptly, Emily pushed the liaison back forcefully asked the woman's car. The profiler held JJ's wrists against the car while pressing her own body against the blonde's. "You wwanna take me home?" Before JJ could say a word, Emily captured her lips in a hungry and demanding kiss. After a short moment she felt JJ kiss her back.

JJ's knees buckled as they kissed. She had wanted this for so long...But not like this. Not in this way. Suddenly all her arousal slowed. Emily wasn't doing this for love, or through romantic feelings, even lust or passion. She was doing this because she was drunk and sad and broken. It was wrong. She gasped breathing heavily as they came up for air. "Emily. Stop." The brunette went back in for a kiss. The blonde tried to release her arms but the grip was too tight. She moved her head trying to escape her. "Emily!" The profiler moved her knee in between the liaison's legs. JJ groaned involuntarily as it rubbed her centre. She had dreamed about this forever, but not like this. Tears started to fall down her cheeks. She could not help but think this would always be the first time they kissed. "NO, STOP!"

Noticing the tears, Emily was horrified at herself. She felt instantly sober. What had she done? "I'm sorry. Forgive me." She whispered as she turned quickly to leave. "I'll miss you." She didn't deserve the blonde. She was too good for her. She was perfect. She was an angel. She needed to get JJ away from her. She needed to save JJ from herself. She needed to save everyone from herself. She needed to be alone to find that release from all these feelings of pain, anger and guilt. She felt sick. How could she have tried to find a release in the one person she cared most for? She could feel herself spiralling more and more out of control every second. She needed to stop herself.

JJ leant against the car catching her breath. Her eyes were closed as she heard Emily apologise and walk away. The brunette's final words had stopped her heart. She knew she was not supposed to have heard them. She launched off the car after her. "Wait."

She grabbed Emily's arm for a second time. "You are forgiven. I'm still coming with you though." This time JJ was the once that spun the profiler around.

Emily refused to look her in the eye. "Why are you here?"

"Because I know you are hurting. I know you need help. I'm your best-friend Em. I'm going to help you." JJ put her hands on Emily's shoulders.

"JJ...just let me go." The brunette mumbled. The hidden meaning pouring out of those words openly.

JJ stopped breathing; anger, frustration, pain and fear flooding her. "What did you say?" Emily remained silent. She was praying to God that she had misheard Emily before by the car, but she had just been proved wrong. It felt like a knife had stabbed her straight in the heart. "No Emily Prentiss. I'm not letting you go."

"I. AM. FINE. It has been a tough case. I am exhausted. I let it get to me. We all did. Just go home, JJ. I'm sure you could use a hot bath and a glass of wine. I'm just going to go home...Goodbye."

"It's not that easy, Em. You don't just get to say goodbye to me. I'm not leaving you." JJ bit her bottom lip as she waited for Emily to respond. The thought that her best friend was saying her goodbyes as she self-destructed made JJ want to break down and cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Thank you so much for all your reviews and messages. Getting them makes me want to continue writing - so thank you. Please continue to review! :) Thank you to Nikonic!**

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><p>Emily had completely refused to get in the car and let JJ drive her home. She was determined to walk alone. Finn's was only four blocks away after all. But the blonde was not going to let her get away that easily. She ran back to her car and slowly drove behind Emily following her as she stumbled along the sidewalk.<p>

"Way to feel like a stalker Jareau." She muttered to herself as she drove slowly along watching the profiler closely. As the brunette nearly tripped over, JJ sat up ready to stop the car and get her. But the brunette straightened up and kept going. "You are too stubborn for your own good Emily Prentiss...Ok, just two blocks to go."

One block away from the brunette's apartment and JJ is shocked by the sound of her cell-phone. She pulls the car over, glances at Emily on the sidewalk and quickly answers the phone.

She immediately turns on her professional voice. "Agent Jareau."

"It's Morgan. Is Emily with you?" He sounded terrified.

"Yes. Why?" She glances again towards Emily, who is ok and still slowly stumbling down the street.

Morgan sighs in relief and sounds exhausted on the other end of the phone. "I wanted to check you had found her and that she's ok."

"Well, I...yes I found her. I'm getting her home as we speak...What's going on?" The blonde asks cautiously. She had given no indication to the profiler's current mind-set so his call was suddenly terrifying.

"Emily sent me this text and it didn't sound right so I..." JJ quickly interrupted.

"What do you mean she sent you a text?" She failed to hide the shock and worry out of her voice.

"I got a text from her about half an hour ago, but I was with Garcia and didn't see it until now."

JJ could feel the queasiness returning. She took a deep shaky breath. "What...what did it say?"

"You have always been like a brother to me. I will miss that." Morgan voice was quiet, almost whispered. "She's not ok is she JJ?"

JJ could not lie. She knew this was not just a bad day like it was for the others. It upset her that the team was struggling, that Garcia was upset, but they would bounce back from it. They always did. Emily was always the strong one, she coped with everything. This was different. She was not coping. She was breaking. She was definitely not ok. They were losing her, and that fact broke JJ's heart. "N-no she's not ok. She's a mess Morgan." The blonde's voice cracked. "She is really drunk, she trashed her apartment, she keeps saying all these ominous statements...she's...she's not ok." JJ sobs.

"I can come...I can bring Garcia and we can..." Morgan hurriedly stated.

"NO! She is so unpredictable. I love you both but it could be too much. She is standing on the edge of the cliff with me barely hanging on to her, we can't push her over." JJ states in a loud, firm voice as she regains her composure.

"Ok, but if you need ANYTHING call me!" Morgan replies.

"Of course I..." JJ wipes her eyes and refocuses on Emily. "Shit...Morgan I have to go! I'll call you if I need you." The blonde hangs up the phone, grabs her FBI equipment, launches out the car and runs over to the brunette.

"Are you that stupid? Can you not walk? To focused on your whore to look where you're going?" Emily yells at an innocent couple on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is huge. Yet they had been too happy and in love to notice her. Too wrapped up in their own little world to see her stumbling along and the young man had accidentally bumped into her. The young couple just looked at her in shock.

The liaison had never flashed her badge so many times in such a short time period. It scared her how Emily's emotions were so vulnerable and explosive. One minute she was depressed, almost dead, and the next furious. There was a deep down feeling that maybe being alone with the profiler was not a good idea. But she couldn't listen to that thought. Emily needed her. Emily wouldn't hurt her.

JJ walked confidentially up to the profiler and flashed her badge at the couple. "FBI SSA Agent Jennifer Jareau. I'll take it from here. Have a good night." The couple quickly hurried off. Emily started to stumble off again. "Oh no Prentiss, I don't think so." The blonde grabbed her arm and pulled her towards her car.

"Let me go. I told you...I am NOT getting in your car." Emily yells at her, trying to pull her arm free. "I'm not going."

"You are acting like a child. Just get in the car." JJ growled.

"Make me." Emily growls back standing her ground, fighting with all her might.

"You asked for it." Pulling out her handcuffs she forces Emily against the nearest wall, handcuffs her hands behind her back and drags her to the car.

"Are you going to have your way with me Agent Jareau?" Emily smirks in a low seductive voice. Any other time the liaison would have happily said yes. Instead she ignored her. Pushing the brunette into the back of her car, she gets in and drives them back to the profiler's apartment.

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><p>Marching the handcuffed Emily down the hallway towards her door, JJ sighs with relief at making it this far. She knew that the profiler had training like any FBI agent had. Despite the fact that she was horrifically drunk, she could easily have continued to fight the situation. But she hadn't.<p>

Emily stood open mouthed looking at her front door lying on the ground. JJ cringed. That fact had been temporarily forgotten with all the drama...until now. "Em, I..."

The profiler marches into her apartment towards the lounge. "OH MY GOD, someone's broken in!...It's trashed in here!" The brunette runs back to the front door towards JJ with her hands still handcuffed behind her back. She turns around and shoves her cuffed hands into JJ's front pocket.

"What the hell are you doing?" The blonde exclaims stepping back quickly so Emily's hand falls out her jeans again.

"I need your phone. We need to call it in!" Emily tries to reach again.

"Emily you trashed your own flat. That was all your own work. And...well except...I kind of...sort of...brokedownyourdoor." JJ mumbled quickly.

"You did WHAT? I can't believe you! I...I..." Emily trailed off.

"Em?" JJ suddenly concerned, stepped forward and reached out to hold her arm.

"I...I'm gonna be sick." Emily exclaimed as she ran down into her bedroom and bathroom. From the hallway JJ could hear Emily expelling all the alcohol she had drank. The blonde sighed, bent down and picked up the door pushing it up to close it as best she could. She quickly grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and made her way to the bathroom turning the lights out as she went.

Once there she found Emily passed out on the bathroom floor. Walking back into the bedroom, she placed the glass on the bedside table. Going back to the profiler, she undid the handcuffs around her wrists and picked her up, carrying her to the bed. Once Emily was comfortably in the bed, JJ turned off all the lights except the bedside lamp and got in beside her. She pulled her close arms wrapped around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder.

The blonde sat their into the night holding the brunette thinking about what the morning will bring. She did not care that Emily smelt of booze or vomit. All JJ cared about was that Emily was safe in her arms. The woman she loved was safe. At least for tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Wow its been a long time huh! Well I'm back! I hope you like this chapter and are all still with me. Please read & review!**

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><p>JJ awoke to a mixture of senses. She could smell coffee, but more oddly she could hear what sounded like drilling. She moved a little waiting for the sleepy fog to lift from her mind. She didn't dare open her eyes, until her brain was suddenly filled with the events of last night and she sat bolt upright in Emily's bed.<p>

"You're awake," a voice stated calmly from the side of the room. The blonde turned her head to see the profiler standing there in a fairly small towel fresh out of the shower. She watched carefully as Emily made her way to her chest of drawers. "So we had some drama last night huh?" she said questioningly. "You know what I don't want to know. I will apologise for whatever I did and whatever trouble we got up to and be glad I can still walk." She laughed quietly.

The liaison frowned in confusion, "So you don't remember what happened last night? About the case?"

Emily turned around, one hand holding her towel up, the other in her top drawer. She looked pale but last night's emotion was no longer present in her eyes. She just looked like a hungover Emily Prentiss, "Yes, I know the case was tough. I know I was upset. I know I drank a lot and my apartment is showing the brunt of that. But no I can't remember. As long as I'm ok and you're ok and anyone else involved is ok, then I really don't want to know," she said simply and walked back in the bathroom to get dressed. "Are you hungry? We have lots of time before work," she yelled to the blonde.

JJ sat on the bed totally confused. She had no idea what to think or do. Emily was broken last night, right? It was real. It wasn't a dream, was it? She ran her hand through her hair, "Yeah, breakfast would be nice," she shouted back. She gasped as the brunette stepped out the bathroom in her work pants buttoning up her shirt, her cleavage on display. She tried to stop herself from gawping. She licked her lips subconsciously and a blush filled her cheeks. Her mind drifted off to how amazing this could be if they were together as a couple. But instead she had to resign herself to the fact that she was just the best-friend. They had kissed last night but it had meant nothing. It was purely the result of an aggressive and drunk Emily and at the time it had actually scared her slightly.

The liaison's thoughts were broken when she heard the profiler speak, "Well, I'll see you out there." She gestured to outside and disappeared through the door.

Emily walked to the kitchen and took a deep breath while pulling out breakfast ingredients. She felt awful; shakey, clammy, nauseous and her head was pounding. But what was worse was that truthfully she remembered everything. She remembered the kiss that haunted her; JJ's tears and shouting at her to stop. Emily couldn't believe how she had treated JJ, to the point where the blonde had had to handcuff her to get her home and not in a fight with a couple. Yet she had stayed all night, she didn't deserve her one bit. She looked down at the marks on her wrists and sighed sadly. The worst part was that there was still a horrible gaping hole inside her after the case. A hole that obviously hadn't been healed by any of last night's chaos. All those feelings still lingered inside her and she thanked her ability to compartmentalise to hide them from her best-friend. She felt dark and distanced; like she didn't care about anything or anyone. She could punch the cupboard so hard it would break her hand but wouldn't care that it would upset JJ or that it would hurt her. She felt like she needed to reach into her chest and rip out her heart. In fact she would welcome the pain, any pain to try and stop what she felt. As she cut the bread with a large bread knife she looked at it and wondered.

JJ walked into the hallway and immediately noticed the man fixing Emily's front door. She nodded and smiled politely at him. Clearly he had that look in his eye. He was smirking with a look of curiousness as to her relationship with the woman that lived here. She walked into the kitchen to find Emily and immediately felt her stomach drop at the way the brunette was looking at the knife she was holding. "Em?" JJ said softly. At this Emily jumped and dropped the knife.

"Hey, there you are. Scrambled eggs and mushrooms on toast alright?" she asked as cheerily as she could manage with a hangover. She passed a mug of hot coffee to the blonde and sipped at her own.

"Sounds amazing, thank you," noticing the way the profiler's demeanour had changed in seconds. She moaned in delight at the coffee that slipped down her throat before blushing at the noise she made.

Emily laughed, "Agent Jareau, that sounded very x-rated," she teased causing JJ to blush more. "You're going to give the maintenance man the wrong idea." God, how she wished she was the one that made her create those noises. But she wouldn't risk their friendship and bring her into her downfall.

"You bring it out of me. Well not you, you...I mean...," she stuttered out. Emily did bring that out in her but it was not something to admit out loud.

"I got what you meant," the brunette laughed. "I did give you really good coffee. Well coffee in general and everyone knows you like your coffee."

"That is a very true statement," JJ laughed. Maybe she had imagined the look in her eyes earlier with the knife. She seemed fine now. "So you're ok, honestly?"

Emily placed the eggs on the toast, put the pan down and turned to her friend, "Honestly I'm ok." She wasn't but she didn't want JJ mixed into it. The blonde didn't deserve that, she had already proved how much she cared. A small part of her mind was screaming at her that JJ cared more than she thought and had kissed her back, but that was ridiculous. She leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, "Thank you."

JJ's stomach filled with butterflies and her cheek was on fire against Emily's soft lips, "Thank you? What for?" she said trying not to let on how much a mere kiss had affected her.

"For everything you've ever done for me! For being...you," the brunette smiled out.

JJ smiled widely at Emily's comment. Noone had ever spoken to her like that, so sincerely and lovingly not even people she had dated. She would do anything for her and that was the truth.

Emily pushed the plate of food towards her friend, "Let's eat!" Wanting to distract herself from the lump of sadness that was forming in her throat.

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><p>JJ sat in the round table room with the rest of the BAU team and Strauss. They were all there looking tired and fed-up, all except Emily. The blonde had needed to go home, shower and change. She had tried to convince the profiler to come with her as she was already ready for work but Emily was stubborn. She had said she would meet her there and that she needed to wait for the man to finish fixing her door. In the end JJ had left alone and driven to work, only to be told by Hotch that the profiler had called in sick. At that the liaison turned quickly in worry to leave the room but Strauss entered and closed the door, demanding they all sit and go over the last case before discussing the next.<p>

The blonde couldn't focus, she fidgeted in her chair desperate to leave and check on Emily. Had the hangover caught up with her? Maybe she shouldn't have eaten breakfast? She was so worried, but what scared her more was the little things that she couldn't let go. The events of last night, the crazy change in attitude, the look in her eyes as she watched that knife and finally the thank you she had received. A panic was filling her stomach, her heart was racing and she leapt out of her seat. "I really think I should check on Emily," she gushed out quickly.

"Sit down Agent Jareau! Agent Prentiss is a grown woman and doesn't need a babysitter," Strauss ordered out.

"But...," she looked at Hotch pleadingly then back at Strauss before sitting back down heavily in her seat. She got out her phone, _Em, why didn't you tell me you called in sick? Are you ok? Please text me and let me know you're ok! JJx_

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><p>In the bathroom of her apartment, a zombie looking Emily sat huddled on the bathroom floor staring with dead eyes at the blood that poured from her wrist.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**I apologize for the delay. I really do, sadly life comes before this and I have been so busy. But I have a month off between jobs starting this week. So I will have a lot of free time to get back in the writing game. Thank you so much for your patience. Please review and let me know what you think. :)**

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><p>JJ sat there not focusing on anything but her phone. It had been hours and nothing, not a single reply. It was killing her. She could not stop fidgeting in her chair and clicking her pen, her actions filled with pure anxiety. Strauss had already told her to sit four times threatening her career if she got up and walked out the door. But she needed to check that Emily was ok. She just needed to see her with her own eyes to be able to breathe again.<p>

Garcia leaned over and whispered in the liaison's ear, "What is with you Jayje? You need the restroom or something?"

"I'm just worried...about Emily," she whispered back to her best friend her voice obviously filled with concern.

"I never thought I'd say this...ever, but Strauss is right. Emily is a grown woman kitten. She can look after herself," Garcia stated. "I know you really just want to go play nurse with the profiler you lust over 24/7," the tech smirked out.

JJ desperately wanted to scream out that it was more than that, but she knew she couldn't. She knew her team. She knew they would not be able to handle that at the moment; unless they absolutely had too. So instead she nudged her, "Pen!" she whispered harshly.

"Oh come on pumpkin! Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven't fantasised among your many Emily dreams of tucking her in bed, lying beside her, stroking her hair comfortingly, kissing her better, watching her sleep snuggled next to you..." she whispered underneath Strauss' lecture on policies.

The liaison closed her eyes to the images her friend was painting. Her heart filled with warmth at the idea of being that person for Emily, but there was a pang of pain in her chest knowing that would never happen.

"God you look like death! I wouldn't even sleep with you looking like that!" Garcia exclaimed loudly startling the blonde from her dream state.

JJ quickly opened her eyes to look at her friend in pure shock confused to the origin of the outburst.

"Sorry ma'am," the tech wincingly apologised, yet again she had embarrassed herself in front of Strauss.

The blonde, like the rest of the room, followed Garcia's eye line to come face to face with Emily.

"Sorry I'm late," the brunette stated expressionlessly.

JJ's breath had caught in her throat at the sight of the profiler. Emily looked awful and even that was being kind. She was a deathly pale, her eyes red rimmed and hollow...a completely different appearance from how she looked this morning.

The liaison rose out of her seat instinctively, "You shouldn't have come in like this. I bet you drove here too, you could have had an accident!" She walked hurriedly over to the brunette putting her hand on her forehead, "You don't feel good. You're all clammy and cold," she said worriedly looking deep into her eyes. The blonde didn't move studying her face, getting lost in her eyes.

Emily cleared her throat, "Erm...JJ," she whispered out.

"Mhmm," the liaison said moving some hair out of the profiler's face before noticing her eyebrow was raised. She came back from the bubble she had created around her and Emily turning to face the team. They were all silently watching the scene in front of them. Strauss arms folded wearing her unimpressed face, while Garcia and Morgan smirked. Even Rossi had a small smile in the corner of his mouth. JJ moved to sit Emily down in her seat hovering over her protectively and studying her carefully.

"I've wasted enough time with all this. Get your team under control," Strauss stated brashly at Hotch before leaving the room in a hurry. "Agent Jareau, I need the Lambert Case now," she shouted over her shoulder.

JJ sighed knowing full well she had to follow Strauss and get her the paperwork. She knew Emily was safe with the rest of the team, but she wanted desperately to look after her and get to the bottom of what was going on. "I'll be back," she said firmly at Emily before leaving the room to get the paperwork from her desk.

A couple of minutes after the liaison left and Hotch told the team to get ready to leave on the jet, Emily got up out the chair to exit the room. She really needed some space to compose herself. Not only from herself but from the feelings that engulfed her having the blonde that close. Walking down the stairs to the bullpen, Morgan grabbed her wrist. She immediately winced and pulled it back as her pain receptors screamed in her arm.

Morgan frowned at her reaction, "What have you done to your wrist?" his voice full of concern.

The brunette shook her head, "Nothing. It's nothing." She said before disappearing off towards the ladies restroom.

"I just wanted to ask how you were," Derek muttered quietly to himself watching his best friend speed off away from him.

At this moment JJ exited her office with her go bag and found Morgan standing there alone looking worried. "Morgan? Are you alright?"

Morgan turned to look at JJ, "It's not me you should be asking that to."

"Emily," JJ said knowing the answer without really being given a question. Morgan merely nodded in confirmation. "Why the increased concern compared to earlier?"

"I just tried to grab her wrist to stop her running off, just to ask how she was feeling and she winced."

"Winced?"

Morgan nodded, "In pain."

"Do...do you think maybe...maybe you were..." the blonde stuttered out fearing the answer.

"No! I barely touched her," Morgan stated with confidence. He had definitely not hurt her when he grabbed her. "It was definitely a prior injury."

JJ's heart stopped with every word that was uttered. Pain? Why was Emily's wrist painful? What had she done? It was fine this morning, wasn't it? What had she done since then? "She...where did she go?" she hurried out.

Morgan pointed towards the ladies restroom before quickly clutching the go bag that JJ thrust into his arms as she turned on her heel and practically ran into the restroom after the brunette.


	9. Chapter 9

**A huge moment in the story - I hope I have done it justice to you all. I would love to hear what you thought so please do review!**

**Thank you so much to Nikonic for helping me get through this! Also I know people often skip lyrics in fictions, but I would really recommend listening to the song on youtube for example while reading the lyrics. The song is 'I won't let you go' by James Morrison - it truly is an amazing song and will allow you to feel the moment a little more using your imagination as well :)**

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><p>Emily's headache ripped through her like a screwdriver forced into the brain. She felt weak, lost and alone. She didn't even know why she had come into work. She could've stayed at home; at home hidden away from the prying eyes of her colleagues. A few simple words from Morgan and her mask had fallen. Her walls of protection crumbled beneath her. That morning as the blood dripped from her wrist in a slow stream, she knew she couldn't hide forever. There was a small release; a fraction of her sanity and strength restored. Emily Prentiss was strong. The Ambassador had made sure to train her only child the skill of compartmentalization and throughout her life she had taught herself to act. Mixing these together surely the profiler was set to pass under the radar of her family? But she had failed and looking in the mirror she immediately understood why.<p>

Her foundations that had been cracked during the last case like tiny capillaries creeping into every compartment had been reopened. Her self-harming was only a band-aid over a layer as fragile as an eggshell that was maintaining her survival. But as she stared at her appearance in the mirror she knew it wasn't enough. Cutting was a temporary and short lived fix to a problem that was deeper than anything the brunette had ever faced in her measly existence.

With quaking hands she splashed cold water on her face trying to wash away what she saw staring back at her as frustration seeped into her pores. It wasn't Emily Prentiss. Emily no longer existed; she didn't even recognise herself anymore. Left in her place was a ghost. Deathly pale, lost sallow eyes, an emotionless face. She closed her eyes to think as water dripped down her face onto her shirt. The nausea threatening to take over as she realised she was trapped. Exiting that door into the bullpen was like walking into death row; her family like vultures to her corpse. She needed a lifeline and there was only one thing she could think of. Reaching into her bandages she pulled out a hidden razor and entered a cubicle.

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><p>JJ took a deep breath outside the restroom door. This was it. She was not leaving without answers. She had been naive and was ashamed of herself for not trusting her instincts. As FBI Agents they had be trained to listen to them; to rely on your gut feelings and she had been ignoring hers. Emily was in serious trouble and there was no denying that anymore. She slowly opened the door and entered the desolate restroom. "Em?" she said softly as she moved towards the one cubicle that was closed. She knocked on the door, "Emily, are you in there? Can I come in?" she announced trying to keep her voice calm and gentle.<p>

"I'm fine JJ. I'll be out in a minute," Emily whispered into the room. Her voice sounded so hollow and lost it made the liaison immediately shiver. But at least her last cut had calmed her enough to deflect, was all that was running through the profiler's mind.

JJ could feel nerves haunting her system as her worry increased, "You're sick. You looked awful you should go home." Though deep down her gut knew the brunette should not be alone.

Emily laughed bitterly, "You really know how to flatter a girl JJ. I'm fine, honestly. It's probably just a 24 hour bug or my hangover catching up with me or something."

JJ paused looking blankly at the cubicle door, "Morgan said you had hurt your wrist."

"He shouldn't have grabbed me so hard."

"It was quite a flinch for just a grab Emily." The brunette didn't know she hadn't seen it happen.

"I didn't flinch JJ."

"Did Morgan hurt your wrist or did you do something to it?"

"I don't know what you're going on about JJ. He grabbed my wrist and pulled it a little, end of."

"In that much pain over a grab, come on Emily I'm not stupid."

"Obviously you have your blonde moments JJ as I have just explained what happened already several times."

It was obvious JJ was touching a sore subject and was starting to irritate now, "Ok well show me your wrist then."

"What are you my Mother? No! Nothing is wrong with my wrist," Emily said exasperated.

"But you said Morgan grabbed your wrist and hurt it so I want to see," JJ stated firmly.

"Jennifer," the profiler sighed out before JJ quickly cut in.

"I'm not leaving until I see you are ok...in person," JJ voiced a little firmer than before. Obviously Emily was not going to let it be a simple walk in the park and this could go on forever. Emily Prentiss was the most stubborn woman she knew. There was silence. "Emil...," she started before there was a clatter of metal on the ground. She stepped back, looked down and her heart stopped at the sight of a blood covered razor. The blonde launched forward and hammered aggressively on the door, "Emily open this door now! Emily!" she shouted losing all control to sheer panic that had engulfed her body. "Open the door now, you're scaring me!" she sobbed frantically trying to pry open the cubicle door. "Please Emily, open the door, please!" while trying to force the door down the whole row shook in protest at her violent battering of the one door. Why could she break down her apartment door and not this one? she thought in utter frustration. Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard a click of the door and she forced the door open, "Oh God what have you done?" she said rushing forward to inspect the brunette's wrist. She grabbed some toilet paper and pressed it firmly on the fresh wound her own tears mixing with the blood.

"It's ok, it will heal," Emily whispered so quietly JJ nearly missed it.

The blonde knew she was right; they had all had medical training. There was no need for any further medical help other than cleaning it and a fresh bandage, but her words sent a shock of anger through her. "Ok?...Ok?" JJ fumed her blood boiling, "You think this is ok? You cut yourself Emily...none of this is ok!" She knew it was probably the worst possible time to get angry but she couldn't stop it. How could Emily do something to herself? How could she have missed something so huge? It wasn't the brunette she was truly mad at, she was mad at the world. She was mad that someone so amazing, so incredible could be so lost that physical harm was their last coping mechanism. She was mad that someone so amazing, so incredible had become so lost in the first place. It broke her heart to see what the job; one final case had done to break the woman she loved. What the job; one final case had done to crush the strongest person she knew. The woman she never thought would crack. The woman who was the listener, protector, carer of their family was the one that know needed to someone else to be there for her. And although JJ would be there for her without a shadow of a doubt, it still made her furious.

"It was the handcuffs they hurt my skin," Emily had no idea why she was even lying JJ had seen the razor. It was still lying on the floor in front of them.

"So you do remember last night!" JJ exclaimed, "I knew something was off this morning," she berated herself studying the cuts now they were a little cleaner. "You didn't have these this morning. I saw you getting dressed. Why didn't you tell me!"

"Because it's none of your business JJ!" Emily shouted moving past the blonde ripping her wrist free.

"It is my business, it is my business when you are hurting yourself," JJ exclaimed rushing to stop Emily from leaving.

"Let me out JJ," the brunette growled.

"No!" JJ shouted back, "Not until you talk to me."

"I'm fine. Just leave it and let me go," Emily pushed the liaison trying to fight to get past.

"So you can kill yourself, no!" JJ yelled, "I'm not going through that again!" her voice breaking at the end into a whisper. She closed her eyes at the onslaught of memories as she gripped the necklace around her neck before breaking out her trance.

"I don't know what you're talking about JJ," Emily stated angrily, "Just let me go!" as she continued to fight against the blonde.

"My sister killed herself," JJ exclaimed into the room. At this Emily stopped. "My sister killed herself Emily. I was 11. She came into my room one afternoon, told me she loved me, gave me this necklace and that was the last time I..." she said tears falling down her cold cheeks.

The brunette's heart broke for the blonde in front of her. She would always love JJ with all her heart even if she could or would never be with her. "I'm sorry," she whispered sincerely. Not only for her sister's suicide and the pain that came with that but the pain she was causing her.

"Please Emily," JJ begged, "Please let me help you. I can't...I can't go through that again. I can't lose someone I love, not again."

"I don't think you can," the profiler bowed her head, "I don't think you can."

"Let me take care of you. We can get through this together," JJ pleaded. "Just...Just leave with me now. We can sort out and cover your wrist and I'll take you home with me. Please I'm not strong enough to lose someone again."

Emily slowly lifted her head and looked into JJ's eyes. She would rather die than hurt the woman in front of her, but now she had an issue. If she did, JJ would be irreparably broken that much was obvious. The blonde's were full of emotions - love, concern, pain but there was something there that made Emily take a breath. Safety. She looked into her gorgeous blue eyes and she felt safe.

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><p>Emily sat on JJ's couch staring into space holding her knees into her chest like she was protecting herself from the outside world. JJ had managed to do just as she said. She had patched her up and taken her to her house. It was easy really, the blonde specialized in communication after all and everyone already thought the profiler was sick.<p>

The blonde watched her from her living room entrance and her heart broke. The woman she loved was safe. Emily was with her and although she now had to watch the profiler's every move, she was safe. The liaison knew this was only the beginning but she wouldn't give up. She would die for the woman sitting in front of her. Perhaps it was selfish but JJ knew she wouldn't be able to breath, to survive, to live if Emily disappeared from her life. It was going to be a journey, a rollercoaster ride. There would be anger, pain, confusion, hurt along the way but she was in it for the long run. Even if after all this it resulted in nothing romantically. Even if after all this she remained as JJ the best friend and work colleague, she would be happy in the knowledge that she had saved a life-long friend.

She moved into the living room towards her CD collection. The one thing that got her through life was her love of music. She survived on music. On the jet, while cooking, after a case, on a run, dancing...to JJ music and more particularly the lyrics made the world go around. And in this moment there was only one song that entered her mind. She put the CD in the machine, grabbed the remote and moved to stand in front of Emily offering out her hand.

The brunette raised her head and looked at JJ like a confused and terrified little girl.

"Would you give me the greatest honour and dance with me?" JJ said in her most chivalrous voice.

For the second time that day Emily looked into the blonde's eyes. She wanted to say no. She wanted to say leave me alone. But there was something in her eyes that made her rise of the couch and take JJ's hand in her own.

The liaison pressed play on the correct song. Throwing the remote onto the couch she pulled Emily into her body, wrapped her arms around her and started swaying to the music, "Just listen," she whispered in the brunette's ear.

The profiler swayed in JJ's arms, resting her head on her shoulder and did exactly as she asked. She listened.

_When it's black_

_Take a little time to hold yourself_

_Take a little time to feel around before it's gone_

_You won't let go but you still keep on falling down_

_Remember how you saved me now from all of my wrongs, yeah_

_If there's love just feel it_

_And if there's life we'll see it_

_This is no time to be alone, alone yeah_

_I won't let you go_

_Say those words_

_Say those words like there's nothing else_

_Close your eyes and you might believe_

_That there is some way out, yeah_

_Open up_

_Open up your heart to me now_

_Let it all come pouring out_

_There's nothing I can't take_

_And if there's love just feel it_

_And if there's life we'll see it_

_This is no time to be alone, alone yeah_

_I won't let you go_

_If your sky is falling_

_Just take my hand and hold it_

_You don't have to be alone, alone yeah_

_I won't let you go_

_And if you feel the fading of the light_

_And you're too weak to carry on the fight_

_And all your friends that you count on have disappeared_

_I'll be here not gone, forever holding on_

_If there's love just feel it_

_And if there's life we'll see it_

_This is no time to be alone, alone yeah_

_I won't let you go_

_If your sky is falling_

_Just take my hand and hold it_

_You don't have to be alone, alone yeah_

_I won't you go_

_I won't let you go_

_I won't let_

_I won't let you go_

_No, I won't let_

_I won't let you go_

_I won't let you go_


	10. Chapter 10

For all of you expecting an update – I apologise I am one of those people that is doing an author's note instead. I always promised myself I wouldn't do this – oops! But this is not a bad author's note...The story will go on...But in a sequel instead. I have decided this for two main reasons.

* It is easier for my brain to start again with it all with a fresh start. I feel JJ and Emily came to a good ending point to do this. JJ knows that Emily is a self-harmer and the sequel shall go on from there. I see it as the next chapter.

* It is easier for you to read as a fresh start without having to flick back over chapters as unfortunately life and work have taken me away from things I like to do in my spare time so I have failed to update in centuries.

Anyway again I apologise if this annoyed you but at least be happy that this is not the end and a sequel will be up in a couple of days time maximum!


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